I am the least anxious person I know. Just ask my husband. He’s the most anxious person he and I both know, so he knows what he’s talking about. However, there are some times when my borderline-OCD (slash) anxiety-ridden (slash) on-his-own-clock husband drives me bonkers. When that happens, I get anxious. When I get anxious, I get angry. When I get angry, I shouldn’t talk to people. Especially my husband.

Last night, my husband insisted on driving separately to his football association’s banquet because he wanted to leave his new baby (AKA his new mondo truck) at the dealership so they could check on the squeak that only happens to squeak when it’s cold. He figured it would be cold this morning and the technicians would hear the annoyance right away. Ok, great. I can follow him to the dealership. However, I should have known he would want to take the detour down a closed road, through a gated community, over the river and through the woods before arriving at the dealership 10 minutes before the bar at the banquet opens. While I’m watching my husband fill out paperwork and then spend an eternity trying to shove his key in the drop box, my anxiety only worsens.

  1. I’m missing the beverages. My husband is the DD. I’m missing multiple beverages.
  2. I don’t know the people at this banquet. Beverages would help that situation, but I’m missing out on them.
  3. My husband is still trying to shove that damn key in the freaking drop box like it’s hot. I’m screaming on the inside.

I know I just need to take a deep breath and get over myself. So I do… After I politely ask my husband if I can hold on to his e-cig while discretely rolling down my window. In my fantasy, I’m throwing that damn thing out the window while simultaneously jumping up and down on it. I realize that’s not possible, but it does help my anxiety. Anyway, he laughs because he noticed I was rolling down my window. Ha ha. He tries to make small talk with me. I respond with death threats. He asks why I’m being mean. I tell him it’s because I don’t get anxious. I don’t like being anxious! I am the least anxious person I know! He knows this! I get angry when I get anxious! I don’t like being angry!

And then I feel better. I can smile again. No more anxiety. I’m all zen. Beverages, here I come.


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